buena pa nada

So I finally had enough and I'm on antidepressants/anxiety meds now.

I really, really , really hope that I can just get better for my future.

I have so many fears and worries still about ending up alone or failing or just whatever is always on my mind that I think I still need to work on myself so much. 

It's exhausting to think about.

pressures of cute

"I wanted to present this cute image distorted in a way that expresses my feelings when I face my own culture. This oversized bunny I created that looks down on you doesn't seem cute anymore - it's kind of disturbing."-momoyo torimitsu

I'm gonna miss him so much.

His chipped tooth,which he chipped twice(!)

The freckles on the bridges of his nose too.

I'm packing up his books and cds.

I have a lump in my throat that's really huge.

I have a part of me that's going to be gone for a long time, maybe even forever.

You owe yourself the happiness of it all though.

There's a super secret polaroid I took of you, sleeping and all wrapped up in  my disney sheets.

You look so happy.

That's all that I can say,I want you to be happy,happy, happy.

Matt Furie: Freaky Tails

vice requiescant shoot

Fashion shoot vice did in 2010:

I could go on ...

Last night I stayed with my friend.

I wish I could stay up with her forever..

We drove late into the night, and something was on fire.

I smelled burning wood and the suburbs had a smoky tinge to them.

I saw a memorial with tinsel and a virgin mary statue.

I saw a late night party at a veterans' hall with baby pink and yellow balloons adorning the entrance.

We went to a cafe and ate sandwiches and pancakes and talked comfortably like we always do.

I slept well until her boyfriend woke up to vomit.

Her dogs made me feel safe even though they are little.

please leave me alone

I feel like an asshole for making my friends worry about me...

It makes me feel useless and worthless. 

What good am I to them, if I constantly get myself in stupid situations?

I just want to be as good to them as they are to me.

I had to call the police yesterday on a man who was stalking me and now everyone is really worried.

I want to be strong and smart just for them...

Sometimes, I feel like I'm ultimately trying to destroy myself. 

Like I want nothing beautiful and good to happen to me.

It's silly though because I know I do want to be happy but don't know how.

maybe so, maybe no

could it be that your love was meant for me? maybe so, maybe no.

i feel dead inside

Had something pretty negative happen to me the other day..

I went on my last okc date for a long time. 

I think I'm good now.

This guy called me beautiful, wanted to go to an art show and a brewery.

When I finally met up with him, he started to lay it on thick about how he didn't know what he was doing and he just felt very dead inside and he didn't know why he was here and that this wasn't going to work out , so bye. He left me there, kind of shaken up and terrified.

He was so impersonal and cold and weird. He whined and whined about his life and just how he didnt like any of the dates he went on.

I wasted all this gas to drive down to be polite to this guy I didn't even really want to meet up with after all. How could he say he really wanted to meet and then just be really rude and talk and talk about himself and whoa it was just so terrible.
Do I have no value or merit ?