Tuesday, July 28, 2015

important

"Get a rat and put it in a cage and give it two water bottles. One is just water, and one is water laced with either heroin or cocaine. If you do that, the rat will almost always prefer the drugged water and almost always kill itself very quickly, right, within a couple of weeks. So there you go. It’s our theory of addiction. Bruce comes along in the ’70s and said, “Well, hang on a minute. We’re putting the rat in an empty cage. It’s got nothing to do. Let’s try this a little bit differently.” So Bruce built Rat Park, and Rat Park is like heaven for rats. Everything your rat about town could want, it’s got in Rat Park. It’s got lovely food. It’s got sex. It’s got loads of other rats to be friends with. It’s got loads of colored balls. Everything your rat could want. And they’ve got both the water bottles. They’ve got the drugged water and the normal water. But here’s the fascinating thing. In Rat Park, they don’t like the drugged water. They hardly use any of it. None of them ever overdose. None of them ever use in a way that looks like compulsion or addiction. There’s a really interesting human example I’ll tell you about in a minute, but what Bruce says is that shows that both the right-wing and left-wing theories of addiction are wrong. So the right-wing theory is it’s a moral failing, you’re a hedonist, you party too hard. The left-wing theory is it takes you over, your brain is hijacked. Bruce says it’s not your morality, it’s not your brain; it’s your cage. Addiction is largely an adaptation to your environment. We’ve created a society where significant numbers of our fellow citizens cannot bear to be present in their lives without being drugged, right? We’ve created a hyper-consumerist, hyper-individualist, isolated world that is, for a lot of people, much more like that first cage than it is like the bonded, connected cages that we need. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection. And our whole society, the engine of our society, is geared towards making us connect with things. If you are not a good consumer capitalist citizen, if you’re spending your time bonding with the people around you and not buying stuff—in fact, we are trained from a very young age to focus our hopes and our dreams and our ambitions on things we can buy and consume. And drug addiction is really a subset of that."

Friday, July 17, 2015

just sleep

I'm supposed to go to an art show tonight but I'm feeling too lazy to do anything.
Recently, someone has tried to come back into my life but it's such a bad idea. I just want everything to be the same and for us to be friends, but I can already feel the trouble from here. Also I think I have feelings for someone... I don't want to. 

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

challenge



So, I finally had a bit of a breakdown at work last week and freaked everyone the fuck out. I am now on some medication that will hopefully work for me and also went to a therapist for the first time ever today! And I have to say, it was awesome...I can't believe I waited so long to talk to someone/get help. I already feel like I'm getting better and am feeling positive, like I'm taking a step in the right direction. I haven't felt this "normal" or like my old self in literally years... My anxiety and depression is just always something I thought was normal and had to learn to live and cope with on my own and now I'm seeing that it isn't true at all...hmm..I dunno. Maybe my life was getting too crazy ? I also have a new roommate, my friend Carmen..I'm happy to be living with her but also scared. I want our friendship to stay pristine and amazing and close..I feel like I will become an annoyance..I dunno..I'm just glad I'm not alone, even if I feel like a burden to everyone, I know that it isn't true at all....Is it?